3 Reasons Why Opinions are Like Farts:
They belong to ourself and only ourself;
They are sometimes innapropriate to let out; and
Often, we are the only one who can stand it.
(My apologies to anyone I may have offended.)
(My apologies to anyone I may have offended.)
(c) 2013 Kevin Collins
But for the most part, I stopped believing in a lot of things a long time ago. It’s just that religion had a good hold of me (school, social, punishment), and for the most part, it got me through some tough times. (I invite you to have a compelling look at one of those times here: Benni’s Dirty Secret.) It was sort of like therapy with a twist; and for the most part, it worked. That’s why I stuck around – and I have much to thank for the many individuals who entered my life in those times.
If I were to give myself a label, I would say I live my life today as an Existential Humanist. This describes the kind of relationship I have with the world as I live it every moment. As such, it serves and allows me:
As an Existentialist, I am able to exercise my logical side of thinking. I can see how the world operates without the noise of drama, stories, miscommunication, crisis, and all the other distractions created by humankind to interrupt our progress of human understanding.
As a Humanist, there is nothing I appreciate more than being in the company of others who are chasing dreams that improve theirs and the lives of others. Not in a socialist sense; rather, I appreciate environments where EVERYONE is truly equal and compassionate about life and living.
I understand the Human Condition. I know the how-to’s, where-for’s, and what-not’s about how we operate in life. And while I can see how knowing this stuff can be beneficial to some; this is only part of the equation of experiencing human potential. The other half is UNDERSTANDING. That’s the plane of life where I exist with all my relationships – human or otherwise. It is quite exciting, actually.
My life occurs in the little things that make up our day. For example, when I go to the office to do my writing and work for the day (the local Tim Hortons coffee shop), I am greeted by some familiar faces I see every day. Reasons are found to talk to each other. I find the joy in holding the door for someone, and others often do likewise. Friendly nods of respect are cast to solitary individuals, and infant/toddlers always laugh and smile when we interact. It’s a good feeling to feel welcome.
I guess it would make sense that I would evolve to be such a person. I suppose my early lessons to see life with the drama, deceptions, and manipulations molded me and the logical-thinking side of my personality. As for the emotional side of me, I see now how I was emotionally immature (and distorted). Yet, I was living a life of service to others. My 30+ years of volunteering, and the years of working in service-related industries (health, social service, military service, neighbourhood groups and agencies, etc.) provide evidence of my subconscious decision to help others. What is surprising to me though, is that I’ve done a lot in my life – and all along (for over 30 years), I was living with Mental Health issues and didn’t even know it.
But it was on that night that everything started brand new for me. All that outer space stuff.
Here I was, instead of celebrating the possibility that I could become an astronaut like most other boys my age, I was having a philosophical crisis that was about to change my life (for the first time).
I suppose it was the last straw. And I suppose it was natural for me to cry. After all, I saw the last bastion of Trust and Understanding disappears from under me and there was nothing left on which to rely. The well of my life had run dry.
Needless to say, I have issues with Trust to this day. I’ve studied it to death and have developed a keen knowledge and understanding of it’s implications on our lives. For example, there is so little trust in the world, we have laws, contracts, rules, wars, guidelines, tests, governments, and all those other tools to keep us all honest. I’m not different from much others in this respect.
I did learn these 3 things about trust over my travels:
Because of this experience, I (unknowingly) decided to invest time in my life journey for something to believe in – without success, over the years. I have a trail of evidence littering my life experiences growing ip where I trusted others (within the standards of social mores) and got burned – sometimes badly. For example, a recent business venture a few years back involved having a retired religious Minister as a partner. He got an honourable doctorate, was elected a bishop, and honoured for a life’s work in central America helping the poor. When everything is said and done, after I invested time and money into the operation, he disappears. I find out he decided he wanted to get involved in a multi-level marketing (MLM) business instead. I never had an opportunity to talk to him about it because I’ve never seen him again. Incredible luck, huh?
I’ve learned not to take things personally anymore because I realize I am not life’s only victim. I am one of many before and after me. From this practice, I come to have more compassion for people and more derision for institutions or large bodies of businesses who benefit unfairly from the people they serve. I am an active advocate for others when I see an immoral or unethical event taking place.
In that night of profound awakening and awareness, it seems incredible that the emotional crisis of a little boy would have such an impact that would shape and mould the direction of one’s life. Yet, I can attest (through my background and accomplishments) that life never did occur the same again.
Whether an unconscious or subconscious decision, I decided to find out why people do what they do. And after 40+ years of personal inquiry (remember, I am a Whyz-Guy) and experiences of much sacrifice, I did come to some personal beliefs about people and life:
We all live in Fear,
We are socially conditioned from our influences in life to behave the way we do, and
We are only being the only way we know how.
Not bad for something started by a lonely 10 year old, huh?
Just think, I could have instead started down the road of resignation, crime, confusion, and death a long time ago. I had my moments, but I am still here; and I am not going to give up on life.
Thank you readers for allowing me these last 3 days to share this with you. I’ve been wanting to do this for years (but I had nobody to tell). The fall of another wall – the cleansing of essence – the joy of it all.
We are always looking for secrets on how to be comfortable (and still safe) while enjoying the fuits of our existence. We bathe, sprinkle, cosmetize, stretch … well, you get the idea. And hopefully, we get what we want out of life.
We spend, and record, experience limits, buy swag, eat and eat. This way we get what we want – right? All we have to do is indulge ourself, right? Or is it?
Personally, I think – in this day and age, we would know enough about life and society and ourselves that tell us that all of these kind of distractions get us nowhere except further into the pit of ‘waiting to arrive’. We work hard at it too.
But if we were to concentrate less on ourselves and more on others, what are the chances we probably would have more than everything we ever wanted?
Sadly, in all our worlds we experience, there’s this underlying current of fear, mistrust, and misunderstanding that always gets ourselves into trouble. You know – the interpretations, assumptions, whispers, rumours, etc. That, of course, only gets us 1 thing for sure: trouble!
So, I’ve compiled a list of things we can do to get anything we ever wanted from people and our life. It’s not in order or comprehensive. I didn’t give much thought to it other than just write as I think it here. Do you want everything you ever wanted?
No matter what, be there for someone. It always benefits everyone for a long time.
It’s easy to tell when someone is not really listening. When listening happens – things you never imagined before happens.
Enjoy a little lottery of life without the money. Do something different that stands out. The greatest expression we can offer to others.
This is the only go around. We don’t get out of this life alive, so enjoy the leaf, flake, eye colour, tear, and all the beautiful results of life.
We all live in the realm of life that protects ourselves first (that’s why heroism is recognized). When we understand people – on an individual basis – and what they seek from life, we can connect on a deeper and more profound level.
The easiest and cheesiest way to get what you want. (Unless, of course, you worked your butt off saving money for a long-held dream). Besides, the joy wears off quickly enough.
Do this and people will love you. What else is there to want, huh?
Is influence a good thing? Does it depend on it’s motives? Can we influence and maintain the goodness of getting everything we want?
My personal favourite. At service to others can be an honour if employed in an altruistic and ‘good’ way. The world has many ways of looking at service as a way of being; and I tend to see it as the gateway to getting along with each other. Besides, we cannot survive without each other and that has a lot to do with serving others.
I suppose this is a way – and it works most of the time. But while the bully is getting everything s/he wants, where the real meat of living takes place in the little interactions between people. The whole point of having everything is moot.
Here’s a bonus one, but I wouldn’t recommend it:
Sadly, this is where we tend to lurk when we want our goals and dreams to happen. And not even just those – but the next promotion, the minor surgery, the fitness, the …
if only I could
change my life completely around.
From many time of trying,
I’m now used to the dying
when you tell me my mind is not sound.
vainly search for a trace
that makes me want to believe.
I’ve heard it before,
and I’ve come to abhor
your labels designed to deceive.
and your posture does show it
there’s something amiss in our sharing.
Thinking you know,
I’m not status quo
without ability for the Daring.
my mind – most competent
seeking out dreams – just like you.
I certainly can’t,
and most definitely won’t
humble myself for you.
Unable you see me
But I don’t fit your profile.
I make no transgression,
I work at discretion –
your feigned ignorance reviled.
most shameful, poisoned minds
your integrity completely lost.
Stolen power is yours
knowing patience wears,
at attempts to create trust.
I still look to succeed
not discouraged from daily falling.
Strength I am gaining,
towards living my personal calling.
a chance to renew
your desired belief in another.
I willingly stand,
to help you understand
we are, after all, here for each other.
(c) 2013 Kevin Collins
HIM: Well, how about the package I brought over to your place last week?
HER: I didn’t ask you fo it. You just gave it to me.
HIM: Well … you are a friend … and you were a friend ‘in need’ indeed.
HER: If I had known I would “owe you”, I never would have taken it. You didn’t say it was a loan; you said as a friend you were “doing it out of the goodness of my heart” you said.
HIM: I didn’t say you owed me. Never mind, forget it. You don’t have to pay me for anything.
HER: I’m paying for it right now!